Tom Burris

Karen's husband Thomas James Burris has kept a low profile since Karen's death. He and Karen were still married when she died. It doesn't appear that they had a prenup. In the Little Girl Blue biography on Karen, it was indicated that  Karen's settlement with Tom would have netted him a million dollars. When Karen died still married to him, it's likely that he would have been entitled to more. California community property laws would have entitled him to half of whatever Karen earned while they were married. While the only new album generated during the marriage was Made in America, which did not do well in sales, and the Carpenters did not tour, there were likely royalties from the other albums and income generated from investments which could have resulted in more than a million dollars for him.

It irks me to no end that Tom profited from Karen. It's not clear whether Tom was already in financial trouble when he married Karen and had ulterior motives in marrying her. But the speed of the engagement and wedding is cause for suspicion. In addition, there is the fact that he was not yet divorced when he proposed to Karen. It makes one think, he was trying to get out of one situation to rush to the alter to marry a woman of obvious means.

Karen and Tom's Wedding

It's quite possible that he had some wealth and therefore made it into the circles of people like Mike and Carol Curb. Mike and Carol were responsible for the fateful introduction of Tom to Karen. The Curbs should have vetted out Tom more carefully before making the introduction. They assumed he was wealthy. I wonder if they have remorse over that. I believe Karen's failed marriage to Thomas Burris was the last straw. She rapidly deteriorated after her failed marriage both mentally and physically. A marriage to someone who took advantage of her position was simply something her fragile self couldn't handle at that time.

It's not clear whether Tom knew about Karen's anorexia prior to their marriage. He must have detected odd behavior in dining with her or seeing how thin she was. Obviously he was aware of it after their marriage through her declining physical condition. I found it interesting that Tom was the only one in Karen's life who realized the length of her illness. Richard always stated the anorexia started in 1975 which would have made the length of her illness per him 8 years. Tom however more accurately stated to People magazine that Karen was ill for 9 years. It leads me to think that Karen discussed her eating disorder with Tom at some point.

Karen seemed very determined to marry someone of equal financial status. There were a number of less well off men interested in her who I believe genuinely loved her. Her wealth was inconsequential to them. Men like David Alley or Gary Sims. In retrospect, if she had less stringent expectations, she potentially could have been happy with one of these men and lived happily.

Dear Anorexia Sufferers ...

I originally wrote this post as a reflection on what Karen needed to think in order to overcome anorexia. After reading it, I realized that it was really my plea to anorexia sufferers and actually anyone with any kind of addiction who is trying to escape life. I wish I could see in my youth what I learned to realize. Life is so much better without an addiction. To escape the addiction, simply requires a mindshift. I know this may seem oversimplified. But when one does finally find true happiness, you'll see that the most critical change was in thought. So I dedicate this post to those with an addiction, who may be feeling trapped. There is a way out ....

With all my thinking and pondering on Karen's life over the years, I sometimes forget what drew me in to Karen in the first place. Karen died young and of a curable disease that she was responsible for. She had it all ... fame, fortune, respect, success... what did she not have? Some say the love of her mother. But that's not it. What she didn't have was belief in herself. Her mother may have exacerbated an underlying problem. But truly at the root of it was Karen. She didn't believe in herself. She didn't have confidence. How is that possible.. with that voice? How could she not be strutting her stuff... she had a one in a million voice. It seems unfathomable that someone like her wouldn't be literally on top of the world!

Anorexia is a virus. It gets into a person's head and tells them a story that is anything but reality. It seems real to the sufferer. There is someone else who is smarter, prettier, skinnier, etc. If one is a perfectionist, then not being #1 at everything, can make one feel like a failure. This is one component to getting an eating disorder: the need to excel.

The more critical component is not feeling like one is in the driver's seat of their own life in order  to at least appreciate life and have fun. The tricky part is that for many sufferers, there isn't this realization of not being in the driver's seat. It seems that whatever the situation is, is how it has to be. That reality is accepted as immutable.  It's here that the first component of perfectionism makes this attitude a greater reality .. that is why try? I'm not good enough anyway. There's no point to try. I'll be skinny instead. Even that can get competitive since there's probably someone skinnier. So the obsession just spirals.

The idea to jump up, define oneself and one's desires and grab the reins to make life happen, just isn't there. The anorexic doesn't realize this. She needs an out of the situation and consciously and even unconsciously the out becomes anorexia.

At the root of being healthy, is being happy. What does it mean to be happy?

1) Gratitude for one's life (there may be a spiritual/religious component to this... but not necessary).

2) Having fun - doing things that are enjoyable. Could be simple things like a walk in the park, having coffee with a good friend, doing a crossword.. just no stress activities that are pleasurable but also fulfilling. Killing an entire evening watching TV is not fulfilling.The activities should be engaging.

3) Fulfilling relationships - Close friends who are supportive and whose company we enjoy.

4) Giving back - finding causes and ways to give to others. This isn't only about charity work but even caring for family and children. It feels good to give to others.

5) MOST IMPORTANT - Being in control of your own life - If you feel you can have choices and make decisions on how to steer your life, this is very empowering. YOU define your life and YOU make it happen.  A big part of this is loving and treasuring yourself. F*** off to anyone who makes you feel less. You have unique talents. DO NOT let anyone make you feel less. If you don't know what you're good at or don't think you have anything, you are WRONG. I don't care who you are, everyone has something. That's why no two people are exactly alike. Keep in mind that you have to consider if you are in a position to realize your talents. If you are a great computer programmer and that's your passion but you're trying to be a doctor, you're not allowing your talents to flourish and you're perpetuating factors that bring you down. So realize your talents but also put yourself in a place to excel.

It took me a really long time to see this. Once I did, I couldn't believe how easy it was. I mean easy in that curing anorexia in some ways is just a realization. A realization that it's better to take charge than to latch on to an addictive way of thinking. Then one sees "oh my god.. this is so much easier than being a slave to a scale and a diet and all the obsessive thinking that goes with it. I can define my life...I can chart my own course.  I can put myself in empowering situations. Wow .. this is fun. I like taking charge. I like owning my life and not giving up."

Part of this renewed attitude is accepting imperfection and realizing that we're great at some things and lousy at others. But the key is realizing that we all bring something unique to the table and to cherish and appreciate that.

When the anorexic or anyone with an eating disorder sees that life is fun when one decides to take charge and believe in herself and her unique qualities ... wow.. it's better than any addiction or drug any day!

What Karen Missed

It's been over 30 years since Karen passed. Karen died so young and she has missed so much. When you think about it, it hits home on how long she has been gone. Here are some things I can think of:

-The internet
-Personal computers
-Portable cell phones (she probably had one of those early car phones)
-Smartphones
-Digital streaming and Amazon.com
-Facebook
-Starbucks
-8 Presidential elections and 4 Presidents
-September 11, 2001
-Fall of Berlin Wall
-2 Shuttle disasters
-Many wars

What else has she missed? Please comment.

Karen's Transformation

I find it interesting (and very sad) how Karen's look and demeanor changed from her early career to her anorexic years. In the early days, she was somewhat tomboyish. She was kind of hunched over when playing the drums at times. Her hairstyle was lacking, flat. Her clothing a little old-fashioned. There were no manicures.

Then she started curling up her hair and getting the manicures in 1972 or so and appearing a little more feminine. I thought she looked very cute when performing at the Nixon White House. Somewhere in early '74, she started to hone in on her style. She dropped the high collar 'granny' dresses. She started to wear low cut and backless outfits.

Somewhere in mid-74 was when the anorexia started. She still looked healthy but the obsessiveness started to take hold. By the end of 1974 when the Perry Cuomo special aired, she looked very slim. This was probably her perfect weight if she could have held that. Of course she kept on going. Then went to super thin in '75 and '76.

In their Osaka concert on YouTube in 1976,  she was wearing strapless gowns with her arms and back exposed. She looked completely different than in the 1974 tour. She was all bones. She seemed to lose weight the fastest from the top than bottom which I'm sure was frustrating (I can relate). When you contrast that concert to their 1974 Budakon concert, the transformation is night and day. It's like there is a different Karen. I just don't sense that carefree Karen anymore. To me, it is a different person.

She always had the cheery disposition, but it's hard to look past the obsessiveness that overtook her. From there, you see her bounce around in appearance. She looked fine in the 1976 Carpenters TV special. Even the 1977 Space Encounters and Christmas shows were good. 1978/79 she was back to being too thin. On the Bruce Forsythe special at the end 1978, she looked very gaunt.

She got way too thin towards the end of the solo album (presumably after she returned home for a break and didn't get a warm reception from her family over the album). When she got married in 1980 she looked wonderful. Then of course the tragedy of the failed marriage really did her in and then it was bascially over.

It makes me very sad to see that 9 year progression. There were years or months of her looking healthy but for the most part anorexia was truly a virus that got into Karen's head and took her over. I revel in her beauty from early in 1974. For me, that was her peak. She looked gorgeous in the Japan and Holland concerts of that year. She appears confident and happy. But bubbling underneath as the seed of the obsession that cost Karen her life.

Steven Levenkron

I have mixed feelings about Steven Levenkron, Karen's therapist who treated Karen in 1982. In his defense, Karen was persistent in being treated her way. She wouldn't do an inpatient program. She didn't take the recommendation of Cherry Boone O'Neil who had proven success with a Dr. (an actual doctor not just a therapist) who was on the west coast. She had this idea that she could speed up her recovery by going 5 times a week for therapy. I don't know that Karen was truly committed to recovery. It seemed she wanted a quick fix so she could proclaim herself cured and having gone through some effort and then go back to regular life. So Levenkron had his work cut out for him. He couldn't exercise any kind of direction because Karen was used to getting her way. Perhaps her expectation as a star.

What bothered me about Levenkron was his proclamation in a 1993 Current Affair interview that Karen was cured of her anorexic behaviors with the implication that he cured her. This is completely false. She was most certainly not cured. She was force fed and never learned how to nourish herself. Also he knows that he never really helped her resolve her issues. Karen went to the hospital  when she physically couldn't survive anymore and interestingly checked herself out of the hospital when he was out of town. The she went back to California and started abusing ipecac. He knew all this and still declares her cured!

I also question his motives in publicizing his treatment of Karen. His meetings with her should have been kept confidential. It seems to me that he was seeking more publicity through the association with Karen in addition to his book and movie deals.

Karen in 1983

Karen seemed to always put on a happy and brave face despite the obvious sadness she felt in her life. Dionne Warwick and others seem to imply in comments that everything was back on track for Karen. But I think she must have been very scared about what was ahead of her.

First off, despite the weight gain in the hospital, she must have been terrified of the prospect of gaining any more. Richard has commented that she still picked at her food. There is also the evidence that she was abusing ipecac. So weight gain must have been on her mind. She had the pressure to convey that she was cured but was desperately afraid of gaining weight. If she was eating normally, using ipecac, and still maintaining her 108 weight, I wonder if her metabolism had slowed down requiring the ipecac to stay steady.

She also desperately wanted children. But she was still married (almost divorced) and would have to start the whole process over again of finding a partner. All of her friends were married or in relationships and having children, she must felt anxiety to move forward as well. Today being 32 and unmarried is so common. But back in 1983, there was still a stigma around it. I recall the Mary Tyler Moore show, a #1 hit of the 1970's, was based on the storyline of a women being 30 and god forbid, unmarried. It wasn't that common back then. She had felt that pressure before to get married and have kids and made the unfortunate choice of Tom Burris. So I can't imagine 2 years after her first marriage, for the pressure to have lessened. It must have been on her mind.

Finally, there were career pressures. The Carpenters were not able to score a top 10 hit for 8 years. Nothing seemed to be sticking. This also must have been on her mind. She was ambitious and not the type to sit back and relish past successes.

In retrospect, none of the above was all that serious of a problem in the grand scheme of things. Karen could have take the route of healthy living, focusing more on eating well and exercising. Today, there is the trend of leading women following that strategy. They have amazing bodies but are healthy. Karen was also relatively still young. She had at least another 10 years to have kids. She could have also adopted and been a wonderful mom. Finally, she had already achieved amazing success, enough to sit on her laurels and not worry about it anymore. Money would never be a problem and chart success was already achieved. She could have focsued on charitable work and performing for the fun of it. But unfortunately, she didn't have enough time to see the forest from the trees.

The Solo Album and Karen's Changing Vocal Style

Die-hard Karen fans probably won't agree with my assessment of the solo album. I love Karen as much as anyone and I did enjoy her solo album. But I have to say that probably 95% of my listening of it in its entiretly took place in 1996 when it was released. There are some good songs no doubt. My favorites are Lovelines - which has a great funk kind sound to it. I also love Last One Singing the Blues which I think is a well-written song as well as well-performed by Karen. Others like My Body Keeps Changing my Mind, If I Had you, If We Try are also good. But I agree with what I had heard from Jerry Moss of A&M. It was good but there weren't any radio smash hits on it. Now mind you, not every song on an album has to be a hit. In fact, with rare exception, most albums have a 1-3 hits and the rest are filler (notable exceptions are the Carpenters Song For You and Beatles Abbey Road). But there isn't that one song on the solo album that as Richard once said is "irresistable to radio".  I'm thinking of a song like Magic by Olivia Newton-John (from 1980); a song I would put on repeat 10 times in a row.

I also agree that this album didn't really showcase Karen's talent. It's not to say that it should have sounded like a Carpenter's album. But the quality that made Karen one of the greatest singers ever is not on this album. You don't get the sense that wow, I've never heard a voice like that. For example, with Close to You, For All you Know, Superstar, Only Yesterday, etc. etc., the magic and incredible talent and uniqueness of Karen are undeniable. Listening to Karen's solo album, I feel she is a good singer but not the greatest.

My favorite solo album song - Last One Singing the Blues

I agree with Richard, that Karen was singing too high on some songs like Remember When Loving Took All Night. Many have said that the anorexia affected the richness and timbre of her voice. But I also get the sense that Karen also was changing her singing style over the years deliberately. In one of the pre-Carpenter songs that Karen sang as a teenager called "And When I Die", Karen was a powerhouse. Karen in her early days had a huskier sound and it was clear she didn't like it. As the years progressed, she was trying to achieve a more delicate, feminine sound. Recall that she re-recorded songs for releases that originally were perfectly fine like Ticket to Ride, Merry Christmas Darling, and Top of the World. Comparing the originals to the newer re-recordings, you can clearly hear how she was trying to sound more delicate. I think as she got older especially on the solo album, she was trying to sound more and more light. But it was the depth that people loved about Karen's voice. Perhaps the anorexia also altered her voice. But I sense in Karen overall, a young women always striving to be more perfect even when she already was. It's a classic anorexic trait.