Karen's selectivity regarding men: Reflecting on Mike Curb

Karen wanted to meet the perfect guy and unbelievably got exactly what she didn't want in Tom Burris (except for superficial good looks). She had a very clear, long list of qualities she wanted. Prior to Tom, there were many great men interested in Karen. Mike Curb I think was the most ideal. He clearly cared for her.

At the time Karen dated Mike, around 1973-74, Mike wasn't the huge success that he eventually became. I'm purely speculating, but I don't think his moderate success as part of the Mike Curb Congregation or as a producer, came anywhere near the mainstream success of the Carpenters. He was an exec at MGM, but some of that success hadn't quite emerged until after he and Karen broke up.

Mike gives the impression it was more about career obligations, that kept them apart. But I believe Karen was looking for a relationship and would have taken him more seriously if he had more success when she  was with him. I recall Mike talking about trying to get her to eat on a date at Knotts Berry Farm, his visit to her at Lenox Hill in 1982, and his overall sentiment when speaking about Karen. He clearly cared for her.

With Curb Records especially, Mike achieved huge success, likely eclipsing Karen's earnings had she lived. But in the early 70's, I think she viewed him as one of those nice guys, more keen on her than she with him. I think he was of those good men she realized she let slip by once she was older.

Karen also mentioned in an interview shortly after her marriage  that Tom was the first man whom she was instantly attracted to. Maybe she meant that to flatter Tom. It gave me the impression, that she wasn't taken with Mike when she was dating him.

I don't think Terry Ellis was right for her. He had the looks and success but not the down to earth qualities that she needed. So that was a good call even though Karen tried to reconcile with him later. Even with Tom, I feel that she wanted to almost will him into what she wanted him to be before they married. She saw his true colors, but instead of having the confidence to call off the wedding or end things sooner, she went back to the anorexia.

So much of Karen's life was wanting to be able to control circumstances. But such a big part of maturity is realizing that you simply can't control everything. She couldn't revisit the past. She couldn't get the exact man that she wanted. She couldn't make her mother express love the way she needed it. Unfortunately, she couldn't look at the side of her life that was working and figure out how to enjoy and appreciate what was in her control. As is said in the serenity prayer " God grand me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." I don't think Karen was a particularly religious or even a spiritual person. She was never really at peace with herself. I just wish she had a little more time. She would have found that serenity eventually.

But, oh how I wish she would have continued to date Mike and married him. Mike moved on and married not long after he dated Karen and is still married to the same person so I'm sure he's happy. But I think it was in Karen's power to make something happen with him at one point. I think Mike would have married her and he would have loved her and she him. He seems like a supportive, caring person. I wish we had a time machine and could go back to 1974.